I'm sad, I can definitely tell, but I don't think I'm sad in the way other people are sad. I don't know how to describe it.

More likely than crying now, I'll watch a sad vid in 3 months and ball my eyes out for "no reason". The dam finally bursting forth. But I won't feel better, not really.

Anyway, sorry to bring down the fediverse. I just needed to write this out somewhere it can be read and I didn't want to do it on Twitter or Facebook.

It really just doesn't even feel real. They're gone. They're just suddenly gone.

My analytical, problem solving brain immediately goes to what needs to happen next. "Is there a will? What are they planning for the house? Who is responsible for the bodies as we plan the funeral?" and a million, million more.

For whatever reason, I don't want to put this somewhere that people really know me. So, I'll put it here.

This week, my Uncle died suddenly. The next day, my Aunt (his wife) died after finally succumbing to her terminal illness. The next day (yes, seriously) another uncle of mine died in rehab (physical, not drug) after he suddenly went into shock - he was relatively healthy.

Three people I know and love died in three days. Two live close by but one lives in FL. Not sure what I'm going to do.

I’m still alive. Life is on fast forward right now. I hope you’re all doing well.

From a career perspective, there is nothing in my life that has been more valuable to me than relationships.

Every job worth having has come because of a friendship somewhere. Sometimes it's an opp from a mentor. Sometime it's a friend I know. Sometimes it's someone I've mentored reaching out from their place of success. But in every case, serving and training others, treating them with respect, and being their real friend has paid the most dividends for me.

I can't recommend it enough.

I guess I'll add to that just a little more. 6 years ago I was barely making minimum wage, very depressed, and on the brink of divorce.

Today I've got a very lucrative career, I'm happy, and my marriage is in a great place.

That's not all because of work (obviously), but I definitely could not have imagined my current life 6 years ago. If you're stuck in life or afraid today is your forever, you're wrong. Things change - usually for the better. Keep growing and learning. It's wroth it.

So I turned in my notice last week. Friday is my last day. It's sort of a weird feeling, leaving a job not because I'm dissatisfied or scared for the future but because I have such an amazing opportunity somewhere else.

My life is so different from where it was 6 years ago. I couldn't have imagined this then. I am sure there are dark days/months/years in my future, but today it's mind boggling to me that I'm part of an industry where it is possible to be so successful.

Being drunk at a party means I've got 2-to-3 hours left at the party as I sober up.

Not ideal, but at least I'm having a good time.

Always do your best. Your best will change from day to day.

So Marcus Hutchins, of fame and who had been arrested in the US has pleaded guilty to writing banking software. Over on the birdsite there's lots of strong opinions. I blogged my opinion that it's a big world out there and trying to dismiss him as a criminal or pardon him because he's a hero are fundamentally misguided. blog.paco.to/2019/marcus-hutch

I finally watched "The Greatest Showman"

That was much, much better than I expected. Solid B+ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Still one of my favorite short films of all time.

"Here's the Plan"

vimeo.com/239309024

Want freedom at work to do the best job without being crushed by a bad boss? Build an emergency fund.

Knowing your bills are paid for the next six months if something were to happen to you gives you the freedom to work hard, go home on time, and say no to unreasonable requests.

Seriously, build up an emergency fund and you'll find certain work stresses will simply stop affecting you.

What do I want out of life? To be happy. And right now I am:

sitting in a hotel restaurant, enjoying a pretty good breakfast and an excellent book, listening to good music and thinking about all the things they led me here.

I'm not happy all the time, but right now I'm happy.

The things in life I enjoy the most and remember most fondly are also those I spend the least amount of time pursuing.

@tinker
Now imagine being a bodybuilder who exclusively uses Cricket-sourced protein and being The Man Crickets Built

Let's start, my first toot in the mastodon universe

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Infosec Exchange

A Mastodon instance for info/cyber security-minded people.